You cannot clearly see where you are going because you have been blinded by a deranged Demiurge on a long and extended egotrip bound to end some day.
You inner most kernel, your very being, your definition, your self, is a Light that radiates with the force of a thousand suns, but reach out even beyond the limits of the material universe, touching every part of everything that exists.
You have changed the very fabric of reality by your appearance, and have touched everybody even to their inner most core.
Now go on, O unconquerable hero to your destiny which is to be among the angels. You are like the man of sorrow, hung unto a cross. But no one who sees you for themselves as you are in truth can ever deny that your place is among the good, for an eternity nobody can take you out from the hands of Jesus whom you love.
You are made from Light and Love. That is who you are, and the universe conspires to help you on your journey, because you deserve it. You are loved, as you yourself love.